Apple Of His Eye

This is a true story, I swear. Though I shall not mention the name of the person to which it happened to, I can assure you guys that it's not me. For purposes of simplicity and anonymity, let's just call him "J".

Alcohol gives J the numbing feeling. Takes away his inhibitions. Being torpe has always been his problem. It has even become his notorious trademark.

But this night he promises himself it's going to be different. He is with his friends. And tonight he's gonna show them who the real J is. He will score.

As soon as their first round of drinks arrive, he gulps down his first bottle. As he puts down his half-empty bottle, he surveys the crowd in front of him. Crowd is already kickin'. But the better news is that the girl-to-guy ratio seems to be favorable for the males

Tonight is my lucky night, he tells himself.

A few bottles of beer later, he feels his bladder ready to explode. Must find his way to the restroom in this dark bar filled with people gyrating side by side to the sound of pounding hiphop music. The effects of alcohol on his bearings can certainly make that task a bit harder than usual.

On his way to the men's room, a gorgeous girl sitting in one of the tables in the corner makes eye contact with him. Nice, straight, black hair just falling below the shoulders. Her eyes a bit chinita. Nose perfectly sculpted. And those lips... hmmm.. so sensual. The term kissable certainly fits. Nice, perky boobs, too.

J immediately surveys her company. Three girls. Good, walang naka-bakod.

As he passes by their table, he flashes her his cutest smile. She smiles back. His heart skips a beat.

This is it. But he didn't approach her right away. The call of nature is more demanding at this point. And besides, he can plan the perfect attack while he does his thing inside the men's room.

Luckily, there was no queue at the men's room. And after emptying his bladder, he studies himself in front of the mirror. Hair, ok. Clothes, ok. Breath, ok.

Emerging from the restroom, he immediately proceeds to the girls' table. He delivers his pick up line naturally. And everything came so easy. He almost couldn't believe it. What a lucky night for him indeed. And a few minutes later, they can be seen locking lips the french way.

After exchanging numbers with the girl, he kisses her goodbye, and stands up. There is an obvious swagger in the way he walks back towards his barkada's table. His friends are all looking towards his direction. Grinning. They have seen his latest conquer.

As soon as he arrives at their table, he gloatingly asks, "Ayos ba, mga tol?"

His barkada erupts in laughter. One of them answers J, "Pare, ikaw ang tanungin namin. How does it feel to french kiss a guy?"

J was confused.

"Tol napeke ka nun! Hindi babae yung kalaplapan mo kanina! Bading yon tol!"

J stares helplessly at his friends who are still laughing uncontrollably. He then searches for that girl he just met earlier.

Then he saw something he failed to see earlier. That "girl" he just exchanged body fluids with has something extremely important that he couldn't believe he didn't notice earlier.

That "girl" has a protruding Adam's apple.

Oh shit!