My wife has a talent worthy of inclusion in the Guinness Book of World Records. Give her three seconds and she can immediately tell if there's something wrong with your outfit. And yes, I've proven it a thousand times. She is consistent.
You know those moments when you feel that the traffic gods are conspiring against you? Those moments when the stoplights turn into red just as you are about to cross the intersection? I hate those moments. But it is during those times when my wife sharpens her talent with those unsuspecting pedestrians.
I pity those people who cross the pedestrian lanes right in front of our car. They have absolutely no idea that just behind the windshields of the vehicle in front of them, they are being subjected to my wife's three-second test.
"Sister, that skirt only goes with the Bohemian look. You never use it as a formal skirt to be worn in the office." My wife mumbles as if the girl passing by could hear her.
Or when watching TV, sometimes she just needs a split-second to decide what that newscaster needs for a successful makeover.
"Tsk,tsk, tsk. Those big earrings don't go well with that necklace you're wearing. They make your face look too crowded. You should have just worn simple, diamond, stud earrings."
And it's not just limited to clothes, jewelry and accessories. Those actresses can deny all they want. But my wife can easily spot fake boobs, newly-lifted noses, freshly botoxed faces, and even those sculpted eyelids. All of these in three seconds or less.
Amazing.
The talent has actually rubbed off on me a little. I know now the proper mixing and matching of all my clothes. I never go out with my belt mismatched with my shoes. I also found out that wearing a monotonous color from head to toe isn't exactly fashionable. Even my eyeglasses were recently subjected to a fashion upgrade.
And the fake boobie thing? I can also consistently tell now. I don't even have to touch them. Promise.
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