Gummy Bears

I worked in the States for quite a few years. I was an employee for a food distribution company that sold candies, nuts, jerkies and other snacks. And my job was to handle the accounts receivables from the different client stores and distributors of the company.

Contrary to popular belief, it is not true that if you were a business major back in college, you should be pretty good in accounting. Well, I did pass all my accounting subjects. And I was pretty decent with financial analysis. You know, the ratios, cash flow, ROI, those sorts of stuff. But the manual and extremely monotonous aspect of accounting, which involves posting of payments, credit here, debit there - they used to give me monumental headaches.

It certainly didn't help that I was just contented to copy all the answers to the accounting assignments we had when we were in high school. Frankly, I didn't know then that I was gonna be a business major in college. See how well-planned my life was?

Wait, I seem to have strayed away from my topic. I know I'm trying to build up a point here somewhere. Oh yeah, my work as a member of the accounting staff.

That was my official designation. But aside from that, I was also practically the one-man IT department of our relatively small company. During the time that I started working there, they were also starting to upgrade the whole database system of the company. Thankfully, they finally realized that DOS based programs will eventually be outdated. And since yours truly was the most knowledgable in terms of computers in the office, I was designated to coordinate with the outsourced programmers who were setting up our new system. I am also the one called on by my other officemates to troubleshoot minor technical glitches every once in a while.

And that's not all. During lunch time, when our receptionist / telephone operator would take her lunch, I, together with my roommate, was tasked to receive all the incoming phone calls. It was scary at first. English wasn't really my native tongue. And I have just arrived from Manila. Still learning to imitate the LA twang. But I caught on pretty quick. Yes, I'm a fast learner. After a few sessions of my tongue performing the Doctor Quack-Quack game all by itself, I got the hang of it. I can still actually command my tongue to shift back to reproduce that LA accent. You should hear me swear profanities in my Amboy accent.

Lastly, whenever all the marketing and sales people were out in the field, all the calls regarding product complaint became my responsibility. I know it may sound too stressful, being on the receiving end of unsatisfied customers. But I guarantee you, there were light moments. Moments when you actually want to roll over the floor laughing.

"This is Arnold speaking. Hi! How are you?" One of the first lessons I learned, always start a conversation with a how-are-you, even if you don't actually care.

"Good. How are you?" His voice a bit animated.

"Pretty good myself. What can I do for you?" Ending the pleasantires and getting down to business.

"I just bought a pack of your gummy bears at a nearby seven-eleven. I really love eating those when I sit down and watch TV." They usually start with the good news first.

"Nice to know that you like them." I'm now bracing for the complaint.

"But last night, while I was eating them, I noticed something wrong with your gummy bears." Okay, so here he starts.

The caller continues, "I would just like to ask if you can make your gummy bears smile a little bit more."

What did he say? Did he just say he wants a more smiley gummy bear?

"You see, I examined those cute gummies last night before I ate them. And I noticed that they aren't too cheerful enough. Gummy bears are supposed to be happy, right?

"Err, ummm... I guess so, sir..." At this point, I think I lost my feigned accent.

The caller continues a bit more on why gummy bears should be sunshine cheerful. But he says, we should maintain the taste of the present gummies, just the perfect blend of sweet and sour.

I thanked the guy for letting us know his opinion. And I assured him that I shall forward it to the people in charge.

Right after I hung up the phone, I burst into a laughter till my jaws and tummy hurt. I was totally unproductive for about five minutes.

And when I was already capable of talking, I relayed the story to my Filipino officemates. In moments of joyful bliss, it's easier to tell a story in your native tongue. And as expected, I also sent them into a laughing fit. Yeah, what's with these Americans? Don't they have anything more worthy to worry about? Leave the facial expressions of those candies alone!

When that episode was finally over, I had to make a report for the complaints I got and forward it to the person responsible for answering or remedying them.

Then, I realized I couldn't figure out one thing.

So who the hell is in charge for making the gummy bears smile?